Shamelessly mellow is still cool

Six months ago a friend introduced me to a music marvel called Spotify. Because I am a snob and am emotionally allergic to all things trendy and cool, and because this friend is the epitome of cool, I figured it wasn’t for me. So I downloaded the installation program but never actually installed.

My new job allows me to play music throughout the day which is a ridiculously meaningful perk (ridiculous in that it probably shouldn’t make as much of a difference in my day as it does).  However, my internet connection and Pandora are incompatible…like Batman and the Joker incompatible. So in a desperate move a few weeks ago I installed Spotify. And I am utterly hooked. In the last weeks I’ve been listening to music like I haven’t done since high school. And oddly enough I’ve been listening to a lot of the same music I did in high school 🙂 Goo Goo Dolls. Jennifer Knapp. Denison Whitmer. Dave Matthews. 3 Doors Down. Josh Garrels. Colbie Colait. Griffin House. Cranberries. It’s all swirling together in my head like a beautiful, guitary mess. I used to describe my taste in music as “shamefully mellow.” A friend, with similar preferences, corrected me and told me it was “shamelessly mellow.” I liked that. There’s no shame in wanting to hear the instruments and words of the songs I enjoy.

I’m finding myself in a season of life that is forcing “now me” to look back and take a hard look at “12 years ago me.” I’ve experienced a lot. I’ve lost a lot. I’ve gained a lot. But I’m growing more aware of that second area, the loss. I am seeing myself at 20 years old and realizing there were some things about her I should have held onto. Like a belief in passion and love. The general goodness of people. That my life can, and should be, meaningful. That beautiful sounds and powerful words enhance life just by being experienced.

I feel like I’m being opened up to remember the fun and intensity of beauty in music, in people, in writing. My heart is coming back to life after a long, dark dormant spell. I’m writing again, having good conversations, and drinking a lot of coffee. I’m grateful to my friend, to Spotify, and to Griffin House for helping to resuscitate me. An important lesson learned is that I need to examine my choices when snobbery tempts me to disregard good things that are right in front of me.

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